My Week in Haiku-week 6
Mohair, glitter, and COVID continues
The true nightmare before Christmas consists of decorations with glitter on them. This week’s nightmare came in the form of two wreaths. Whoever or whatever made them went overboard on the silver glitter and threw a couple of heaping handfuls of loose glitter in the boxes just for the hell of it.
One of my many jobs at my sister’s big house in the even bigger woods this week was to wire two glitter-covered wreaths back to back (so you will see the decorated part of the wreath from all directions) and hang them on a shepherd’s hook along the driveway to bring some holiday cheer to the place. How hard can that be, right? It’s a massive challenge if you don’t want to get glitter in the house, on the bottoms of your shoes, or on your clothing.
But most importantly, any glitter on me will get in my car when I drive home, and I will be plagued by that shiny shit for the next decade every time I am in the vehicle. This is not acceptable to me.
The solution: unpack the wreaths from the packaging outside by the front door while wearing minimal clothing in the freezing cold, waddle down the long-ass hilly and rocky driveway in my fake Uggs, pray I don’t wipe out and end up with a pointy rock embedded in my ass, secure the wreaths so they don’t blow off of the hook, and scurry…
